In a recent newsletter, we asked parents, “What’s the #1 boundary you’ve set with family members?” While some of their responses centered around the rules around visiting their newborn (like don’t show up without offering a heads up), other readers weighed in on hot button topics like AI and screen time and sugar. Some boundaries are temporary, while others are here to stay. But they all have something in common: Parents are figuring out what works for their families and asking loved ones to respect it.
Here are the eight most common types of boundaries parents told us they're setting.
Daily Routine
From diaper changes to nap schedules, some parents are asking family members to stick to the routines and caregiving rules that work for their baby.
Diaper changes. Some parents ask relatives not to assume that they’re automatically allowed to do diaper changes. “Even if we’re OK with you doing it, tell us before you whisk him away,” says one parent. And some readers would prefer family members opt out of diaper duty altogether. As another parent put it, “Nobody changes baby's diaper but me or my husband. You'd be amazed at how offended people get at being told they can't change a stinky diaper!”
Naptime. “Respect my child’s naptime,” notes one parent who won’t tolerate “comments from family members if we miss an event.”
Sleeping in. “Don't let [the baby] sleep past their set schedule!” One parent told us. “Feels nice in the morning to let them sleep in, but messes up our nighttime routine!”
As proud as family members might be of their beloved grandchild, niece or nephew, quite a few Babylisters would prefer that photos of their child stay offline. This was overwhelmingly the most common way in which parents are setting boundaries. A few shared their experiences:
It’s an across-the-board rule. “We asked family members not to post pictures of our kids on social media. We never post pictures of the kids, and we don't want others to do so either.”
If a photo is posted, they’ll ask the family member to take it down. “My uncle posted a picture of my newborn on Facebook, without asking permission, without reaching out to congratulate me first. He took it down as soon as I asked him to, but I couldn’t believe anyone would assume that was OK.”
There are concerns about safety, AI and protecting moments that are uniquely their own. “I don’t know who has access to family members’ social media and other accounts, so I cannot guarantee that those who have access to my child are people we trust.” They cite AI as another concern. “I do not want my child’s face/data subject to this unregulated space.” Plus, “it has always made me uncomfortable when [relatives] post a child like they are the parents (i.e., sharing about first days of school). Those moments are special to the parents, so the parents should be the ones to share that moment if they wish.”
Germs and Health
Babylist parents told us that there are certain must-haves and must-dos tied to their baby’s health, such as:
Vaccines. Several parents require that loved ones be caught up on their shots. “Getting COVID and flu shots” is a must, says one Babylister, while another notes, “As parents in an area with growing measles cases, we've enforced only letting family and friends [with] up-to-date vaccines around the baby.”
Staying away when sick. “Not coming to see baby while sick or when recently exposed to a sick person.”
“No spending time with my kids when they’ve been around other sick kids.”
Kissing. “No kissing my baby, especially on the face, until they consent/say they want one, and never on the lips.”
“For some reason, this is the one boundary everyone wants to push.”
Food and Feeding
Several Babylist parents told us they set limits around certain food and drinks or ask family members to respect their child's appetite and fullness cues. The two key areas where they’re drawing the line:
Soda and sweets. “Absolutely no soda at all. Not even a sip.”
“If I say she can’t have a certain food, respect my wishes as her parent. Her uncle gave her this brownie cake with frosting when she was 9 months old. He gave it to her even after I said she couldn't have it, and he did it right in front of me as I watched. It really bothered me, but I was too passive to say anything.”
Appetite. “My kids decide when they’re full; they are not required to have an empty/clean plate,” shared one parent, while another notes that the “Grandparents are baffled that my son can have dessert and his dinner in front of him at the same time...and that he will actually eat his dinner.”
Screen Time
Screen time limits were a common refrain, with a parent saying their rule is: “No phone use with the kids or while watching the kids.”
Another says that screen time isn’t allowed for their 8-month-old, but that hasn’t prevented loved ones from “overstepping.”
When and How People Visit
Excited, eager family members might want to drop by spontaneously or stay overnight, but many Babylist parents are specific about when and how visits work for their families.
Staying over. One parent explains, “My mom is the only person allowed to stay in our house immediately after baby is born. Everyone else traveling from out of town has to find somewhere else to stay.”
A second encourages loved ones to stay at a hotel. “I’m sad to say, but my daughter won't sleep independently when they are here and therefore needs contact naps.”
Impromptu visits. “Don’t just stop by the house unannounced; call or text and wait for an answer.”
“You cannot visit without telling one of us (husband or myself) first.”
Holidays and Travel
Another major way parents are setting boundaries is when it comes to the logistics of holiday travel with little ones. A few shared what that looks like for them:
-
“We have set a boundary that those who want to see us and our baby for Christmas Day can come to our home during a set time frame. We will happily host, but no more stressful holiday travel between multiple homes/family members!”
-
“We've stopped traveling for major holidays while we have younger kids. We're the only members of our family with a toddler and a baby on the way. Everyone else either has no kids, or grown children. So if we want to spend holidays together, they travel to us. Takes the stress [out] of traveling with young children as well as figuring out what to do with all the Christmas presents.”
-
“Christmas Day is our family time. We don't travel to family or invite anyone over on Christmas Day.”
Though relatives might mean well when they offer parenting tips, some Babylist parents would rather not receive advice they didn't ask for.
One parent says they’re setting a boundary around “advice unless I ask for it,” while another isn’t interested in family members “dictating everything about the newborn, down to the name,” and a third tells loved ones “not to comment on our parenting styles or discipline (or lack of) — basically not telling us how to parent our kids.”
Setting boundaries with family isn't always easy, especially when everyone has opinions about what's best for your baby. But as these parents show, being clear about what works for your family can help make everyday routines, visits and special occasions a little less stressful.
