6 Ways to Prep For the Fourth Trimester to Set Yourself Up For Success

On the surface, pregnancy may seem like it’s all about preparation: a registry to build, a nursery to set up, a name to pick out…the list goes on. But talk to any new parent and they may tell you they had no idea what it was actually going to be like.

That’s because few people plan for the realities of life with a newborn, specifically those first few months after birth known as the fourth trimester. “Not only are support systems for new parents lacking in this country, but it’s also hard to really know what to expect until you’re in it,” says Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a psychiatrist and author of Real Self-Care. 

That’s where we can help. We may not have a window into your exact postpartum experience, but we do have access to trusted health practitioners who specialize in helping people plan for the perinatal period, a.k.a. pregnancy and the first year postpartum. Here are six things they suggest doing before your baby’s debut.

1. Stock Your Bathroom With Recovery Essentials

What do you have on hand to help you recover from birth? If the answer is nothing, you’re in good company. Registries are often exclusively for baby products, but you can (and should!) add items specifically for you, Dr. Lakshmin says. (Not sure where to start? Check out these 16 products for an easier postpartum recovery.)

If you deliver in a hospital, the staff will likely provide you with things like disposable mesh underwear, perineal ice packs and witch hazel pads—all of which can help soothe inflammation and pain. But it’s still a good idea to have your own supply at home; that way you’ll save yourself from any late-night panic orders or last-minute Target pickups.

PSA: Brands like Frida and Bodily make super convenient postpartum boxes for vaginal and C-section births that include all the necessities.

2. Build Your Support System—and Say Yes to Offers to Help

Lining up postpartum support while you’re still pregnant—before things get too hectic—is so valuable, says Nicole McNelis, a licensed professional counselor and perinatal mental health expert in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania.

Her recommendation: Think about what would be most helpful based on your needs, wants or worries, and then make a list of how you might get that support. 

“It can include family, friends and/or professionals. The goal is to know who you can contact, when, and what you can expect from them,” McNelis says. Here are a few examples:

• If feeding is a concern, you might line up a lactation consultant. Sometimes it’s covered by insurance, so be sure to give them a call and see what your options are.

• A postpartum doula can guide you through your transition from pregnancy to parenthood. Although doulas can be pricey, your insurance may cover them. (Pro tip: if you’re interested in hiring a postpartum double, consider adding a doula fund to your Babylist registry so folks can contribute toward the cost.)

• Worried about sleep deprivation? Arrange for family and friends to come over at certain times so you can nap.

• Time to cook will be hard to come by. Ask someone to organize meal deliveries during the first few weeks postpartum or add a cash fund to your baby registry specifically for meals.

• Need some help setting up your home for the big transition? Consider having a low-key nesting party so your village can help out.

“It’s such a comforting feeling to know that while you’re caring for the baby, your support system is caring for you,” McNelis says. Embrace that comfort without one bit of guilt.

“Life is full of seasons of giving and receiving, and the fourth trimester is definitely your season for receiving,” says Chelsea Crow-Fuentes, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Orange County, California. “You deserve the help, and people want to support you.”

3. Know Where to Find the Help You May Need

“Setting yourself up for success in the fourth trimester might involve proactively seeking out a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health,” Crow-Fuentes says. You don’t need a diagnosis first. Parenthood—particularly new parenthood—is hard, and a therapist can help you work through whatever emotions you’re feeling.

How can you find a therapist? The provider directory from Postpartum Support International (PSI) is a great place to start. PSI also has volunteer support coordinators in every state who can help you find a good fit for you.

A therapist isn’t the only kind of support available. Connecting with other parents who are in the thick of it can also help you feel less alone. Here are some apps and online resources that make it easy:

• Expectful: part of the Babylist family, this is a mental health app that offers meditations and helpful content covering everything from preconception to postpartum..

• SimpliFed: a service that offers insurance-covered virtual care and support across pregnancy and postpartum—including lactation help for every feeding journey.

• Acorns: get a headstart on saving for your child’s future with an Acorns custodial account (start with as little as $5!)

• Huckleberry: need sleep support in the fourth trimester? Most of us do. This free app provides sleep tracking & insights (and a premium version for help from sleep experts).

• Peanut: a free app that’s like Bumble, but for making parent friends. 

• Dear Sunday Motherhood: an online platform with intimate virtual mom groups.

• Union Square Play: an online community with classes (for kids and adults), events and more.

• ParentQuest from Lucie’s List: a database where anyone anywhere can find a local parent group.

• Dads Only: a private Facebook group where more than 200,000 members discuss all things fatherhood.

4. Practice Setting Boundaries

The job of a parent comes with the fierce responsibility of protecting your child, Crow-Fuentes says. That means you have full reign over what boundaries to set to best support you and your family.

This is often easier said than done—no one wants to disappoint their in-laws by saying they can’t come see the baby, for example. But learning to clearly communicate your needs from the start will only help you maintain healthy relationships with the people you love most.

Boundaries around postpartum visitors are a good place to start. Here are some things to think about in advance:

• Who is welcome to come meet your baby during those first few weeks?

• What are your expectations or “ground rules” during those visits? (Are masks required? Do you want to limit the duration or number of guests for each visit? Will out-of-town visitors stay with you?)

• What type of physical touch are you comfortable with?

• How might you or your partner respond to people who try to overstep your boundaries, including (if not especially) family members?

You don’t have to be harsh in communicating boundaries. For example, if an old friend asks to come over, you might say, “Thank you so much for asking! Right now, we’re only introducing the baby to immediate family, but we’d love to see you in a couple of months once we’re more settled.” It’s clear and compassionate yet firm.

5. Prepare for Postpartum Emotions

The fourth trimester is an emotional rollercoaster. There’s a lot of joy and wonder, but it can come with weepiness and mood swings. In fact, experts estimate that up to 80% of birthing parents experience the “baby blues,” or feelings of sadness, anxiety and overwhelm in the first two to three weeks postpartum.

This is a completely normal side effect of both the massive hormonal shift that happens after birth and the acute stressors of new parenthood, like sleep deprivation or not eating super well. You might find yourself:

• Crying for seemingly no reason

• Feeling moody or cranky

• Having a hard time sleeping or making decisions

• Feeling lonely or cut off from friends and family

Whatever symptoms you experience, know that the baby blues are short-term and typically go away without any treatment, Dr. Lakshmin says. Until then, getting as much sleep as you can and finding pockets of time for yourself can help you feel better.

If sadness, panic or any other upsetting feelings stick around beyond the first month, check in with your healthcare provider, Dr. Lackshmin says. You might be dealing with a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD) such as postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. While they can feel debilitating and isolating, PMADs are very common (up to 20% of people experience them) and highly treatable.

6. Have Some Fun

It’s a simple but powerful tip. “There’s a lot of value in embracing the babymoon, or a celebratory vacation you take before the baby arrives,” McNelis says.

If a trip isn’t in the cards, take some time to relax, connect with a partner or friends or focus on doing things you love. This helps you be intentional about putting yourself first sometimes, which will be very important in the weeks, months and years to come.